urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes K-J K-J 2008-09-03T11:48:28Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:9023 2008-09-03T11:48:28Z 2008-09-03T11:48:28Z oh shit i just remembered that i have to go out for dinner tomorrow night <br />i have an english assignment where i have to write and ad for a restaurant and we're going there tomorrow night for dinner.<br />shitshitshit<br />ok well ill just order the side of seasonal vegetables considering caffe primo SUCKS and has no vegetarian food except risotto and i hate risotto.<br /><br />yaaay seasonal veggies. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:8817 2008-09-03T11:37:30Z 2008-09-03T11:37:30Z feeling pretty good about weighing myself tomorrow morn<br />ive exercised my face off today<br />i deserve to have lost now.<br /><br />im really motivated not to eat because after i ate lunch before i was all depressed and stuff for hours.<br />i actually felt better being hungry and being full<br />physically and emotionally<br /><br />TOMORROWS PLAN<br />B: weightloss shake<br />L: apple, MAYBE, depends if i have to have dinner or not. if i do.. then no apple<br />D: nothing OR a bit of whatever mum makes. heres to hoping its got meat in it so i dont have to eat it yeaaah urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:8582 2008-09-03T04:09:25Z 2008-09-03T04:09:25Z My mum made me eat pasta for lunch<br />and its not ok, i feel like a massive failure<br />i tried to purge but not alot came up.. and now my chest hurts<br /><br />i have so much homework to do but really i just want to exercise in my room all night<br />i was finally back down to 58kg<br />i cant believe thats ruined now! <br />im never going to get below 58. this is ridiculous.<br />its only 1:40 in the afternoon so i know i have plenty of time to finish my homework and then exercise but im just not motivated for homework anymore, only exercise.<br /><br />i want this food out of me.<br />there is NO CHANCE that i am eating dinner tonight. no way.<br />make me feel better, something! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:8198 2008-09-02T22:50:36Z 2008-09-02T22:50:36Z Posting on my hiptop againnnn.<br />58kg straight this morning.<br />Thank god I'm back here after binging like a fat person for 3 days.<br />2 days of binge-free september down, just 28 to go! <br /><br />I decided that if I don't binge this whole month, ill allow myself to have a piece of cake on my sisters bday (oct 5th)<br /><br />Yeaaah<br />Today I've had a celeb slim milkshake for breakfast and I'm going to have an apple for lunch.<br />No dinner.<br />Come on 57.8!!<br /><br />I'm really motivated today so should be good. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:8173 2008-09-01T12:00:05Z 2008-09-01T12:00:05Z <div class='appwidget appwidget-qotd' id='LJWidget_8'> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tr><td><div style='border: 1px solid #000; padding: 6px;'><p>If you had to give up one of your five senses, which could you live without?</p><p style='font-size: 0.8em;'>Submitted By <span class='ljuser ljuser-name_newbiepoet' lj:user='newbiepoet' style='white-space: nowrap;'><a href='http://newbiepoet.livejournal.com/profile'><img src='http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /></a><a href='http://newbiepoet.livejournal.com/'><b>newbiepoet</b></a></span><br /></p><br /><p><input type="button" value="Answer" onclick="document.location.href='http://www.livejournal.com/update.bml?qotd=501'" /> <a target="_blank" href="http://www.livejournal.com/misc/latestqotd.bml?qid=501">View 500 Answers</a></p></div></td></tr></table></div><!-- end .appwidget-qotd --> <br /><br />OH JEEZ.<br />THATS EASY<br />TASTE!<br />THEN I WOULDNT LIKE FOOD.<br />now im getting excited that i wont be able to taste anymore but its not going to happen<br />unless i shave all my taste buds off my tongue... or burn them.<br />:| urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:7899 2008-09-01T07:44:56Z 2008-09-01T07:44:56Z Hm hm hmmmmm<br />On the bus home from town and I'm really bored.<br />There's a guy on my bus laughing but its that sound your throat makes when you're sucking/gasping for air. Kinda sound like a hiccup. Yep. That's how he laughs and its really freaking irritating I wanna stab him in the face.<br />So I bought a whole heap of celeb slim shakes today (yaaay finally found them) and a shaker bottle thing. Lovely. Its blue.<br />Having one for dinner tonight since my mum now works every weeknight and doesn't know if I don't eat dinner. My dad doesn't get home til 6.30 so I just tell him I already ate dinner.<br /><br />Going to weigh myself when I get home. I don't feel as fat as I did this morning so hopefully that shows on the scales. I have to finish cleaning my room then ill go for a run for as long as my damaged ankle will let me. Then some homework and dancing before bed. <br /><br />I can do this. I am not even tempted by food anymore. It doesn't interest me and I don't crave it. No binging this month!<br /><br />So today all I've had/will be having is...<br />5 almonds<br />3 dried apricots<br />1 celeb slim shake<br /><br />And about 45-60mins of exercise<br />If I don't lose I will hunt that laughing man down and I really will stab him in the face.<br /><br />Almost at the right bus stop.<br />I purposely caught the wrong bus so that I had a 15 minute walk to my house.<br />Yeeeey. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:7587 2008-08-31T22:46:54Z 2008-08-31T22:46:54Z On my hiptop and I'm too lazy to use my thumbs for typing so I'll make it short.<br />58.8 this morning.<br />Not happy or angry because I don't really know what I weighed yesterday because it changed so much.<br />I think I have internal bleeding in my foot but its ok, I'm getting xrayed today.<br />Apparently I snapped a piece of my bone off and that piece lodged itself somewhere in my ankle joint. Yeahhh and its been there for a year. That's why I can't run for long before my ankle gives in.<br /><br />Point being 0-400cal a day and 60mins exercise.<br />For this month at least.<br />If I succeed then all of spring.<br />I hope it gets warm soon.<br />I took off my red beaded ana bracelet because I'm a failure. Once I'm back at 58 then I can have it back.<br />I'm like a parent punishing a child only I'm the parent and the child at the same time.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Yeah its cold. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:7423 2008-08-30T23:40:14Z 2008-08-30T23:40:14Z SO IT TURNS OUT<br />that eating 'normally' actually sucks<br /><br />Yesterday I had<br />carrots with dip and<br />some pizza<br /><br />because I was feeling quite ill and had to eat to refrain from my throat foaming up and choking me<br />yuh<br /><br />so i wake up this morning and i weigh<br />FIFTY NINE POINT FUCKING FOUR<br />thats a gain of 1.4kg<br /><br />fuck, for once im actually completely glad and thankful and happy that i have an ed<br />maybe thats fucked up but today i dont care<br />i want to wake up tomorrow and that 1.4kg will be gone<br />because i am not eating today!!<br /><br />tomorrow is september, lads<br />binge-free month<br />seems like an easier goal than<br />food-free month<br />so anyone with me?<br />if you binge during september you have to lick in between the fat folds of an obese person.<br />so yuh dont binge.<br /><br />ihatefood<br />bababababababa.<br /><br />PS i have a huge ass and its not getting any smaller :(<br />PPS max said i was curvy FFSSSSSSSS urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:6921 2008-08-29T09:49:21Z 2008-08-29T09:49:21Z ugh i feel so fat from that pumpkin soup.<br />it was only 100cals but i feel like shit<br />aaaaaaaaagh<br />the way i feel i am NOT going to still be 58.2kg in the morning<br />ew urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:6713 2008-08-29T02:04:24Z 2008-08-29T02:04:24Z <span style="text-decoration: underline;">58.6kg this morning<br />abbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaa<br /></span><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:6525 2008-08-26T12:37:56Z 2008-08-26T12:37:56Z So this is a survey I copied and pasted while lurking on proana<br />decided to fill it out<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><div class="ljcut" text="Survey..."><b>General<br /></b>Age?: 17<br />Height?: 5'4 - 5'5<br />Weight?: 59.2kg<br />Lowest Weight?: dont know, never had scales until recently<br />Highest Weight?: 63kg<br />What weight do you want to weigh?: 48kg, then ill see once im there<br />What eating disorder do you have?:&nbsp; ana, occasional mia traits<br /><b>In Depth</b><br />How many calories do you eat in a day, on average?: always changes<br />Do you throw up your food on occasion?: yes<br />Do you want to look like a supermodel/actress?: yes<br />Are you in some sort of extracurricular sport, ie soccer or track?: no<br />Has anyone ever teased you about your weight?: yes<br />Have you ever fasted? If so, for how long?: yes. longest was about 42 hours<br />Do you take laxatives to get rid of food/calories?: no<br />Are you 'inspired' by models/actresses?: yes<br />Have you ever been hospitalised for your ED?: no<br />Have you ever ingested Ipecac to induce vomiting?: no but now i want some<br />Have you ever tried to recover from your eating disorder?: no<br /><br /><b>Body Image Q's</b><br />Do you constantly see yourself as fat, even though others say you are not?: obviously. but no one tells me im not<br />What part of your body would you change?: stomach, legs especially thighs, arms, chest, feet, hands<br />On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you with your body?: 2<br />Do you judge your value/merit solely on your weight/body?: i guess i do<br />Because of your body apperance/weight, have you become severely depressed?: yes<br />Do you constantly compare your bodies to supermodels/actresses?: yes<br /><br /><b>Health/Food</b><br />Do you think you eat healthy enough?: no<br />Are you morbidly afraid to eat carbs?: sometimes<br />Fat grams?: yes<br />Calories?: yes<br />Are you often tired/fatigued?: usually<br />Do you feel more energised after eating food?: no, i feel worse<br />Do you eat meat?: no red meat, no chicken, no seafood, no eggs<br />Do you eat your food in a certain way? i dont know... when i eat, i eat it fast because i guess i want the food over with as soon as possible so i dont have to sit there feeling sorry for myself while i eat<br />Do people tell you you look sick or famished?: not for 2 years<br />Have you ever thrown up blood?: no<br />Is your heart bpm above 49?: yes its like 80<br />Do you have fainting spells from lack of eating?: i have occasionally. usually just dizzy though<br /><br /><b>Other Stuff</b><br />Do you think the media is at fault for the prevalence of eating disorders?: not for creating them.. but reinforcing them, yes<br />What's your opinion of Pro-Ana?: well we're all fucked up but i guess thats why we're congregating together<br />Do you have any other mental disorders? only sleeping disorder.. mum thinks i have bipolar but i would say thats my mood swings because i dont eat. but she doesnt know that<br />What's your favourite food to eat?: safe food: salad. other food: bread and butter<br />favourite drink?: coke zero at the moment<br />Do you often wish you didn't have an ED?: i wish i had never had one ever.. because now that i do.. imaginging life without ana is scary and im not sure i could do it<br />Do you want to recover?: to be honest.. im not sure<br /></div>&nbsp; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:6263 2008-08-24T12:58:37Z 2008-08-24T12:58:37Z im so angry!<br />firstly at myself<br />i had a salad and some veggies for dinner<br />but like<br />alot of it, i mean ALOT<br />theres no way i can burn it off tonight<br />im such a failure<br /><br />and im angry at my boyfriend<br />hes all like<br />"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO SUPPLEMENT MEAT IN YOUR DIET?!"<br />and im all like get off my case ok<br />and hes demanding i tell him now what i plan to go for protein and iron and whatever<br />and like<br />i have no idea<br />but he can talk, his diet consists of.. mcdonalds, kfc, hungry jacks, meat, meat, meat, coke, chocolate ANYTHING HE CAN FIND, ANYTHING HE WANTS. Just because he doesnt gain weight, doesnt mean hes killing himself any less than i am<br />and like omg ffs<br />he should be GLAD im even eating!<br />what a big GRRR im so angry right now<br />im not talking to him at the moment<br />immature, i know, but its the only way im going to cool off<br /><br />oh and another thing with him<br />my BMI i like 22 and his is like 18 or 17 or something<br />UNDERWEIGHT!!! and hes all like DONT LOSE WEIGHT YOULL BE UNDERWEIGHT, THATS BAD<br />no shit, go eat some potato you skinny bitch<br /><br /><br /><br />sorry<br />really needed to vent<br /><br />going to miss seeing 58 on the scales tomorrow<br />il be back at 59, no doubt<br /><br />aaaaaaaah life is shit<br /><br />but this week will be like BOOT CAMP<br />max starts his first week of full time work so i dont see him all week..<br />next time he sees me i will be smaller<br />i want him to notice for once<br />i want everyone else to notice for once<br />to look past my huge boobs<br /><br />my mum looks at super skinny girls and says "that poor girl, that is so sad, she looks horrible"<br />and i think "i admire her control and her dedication. i wish i was as determined and in control as she is"<br /><br />hah god i hate myself. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:6033 2008-08-24T08:05:31Z 2008-08-24T08:05:31Z so today i weighed in at 58.8kg<br />i thought i screwed up big time but i guess i didnt screw up as much as i thought i did<br />or maybe i burnt it all of dancing last night<br /><br />today ive had <br />B: nothing<br />L: small bowl of sultana bran cereal with a tiny bit of skim milk<br />D: mums making roast so ill be having veggies<br /><br />been a while since i posted stats<br />age: 17<br />height: 164cm or 5'4" ish<br />highest weight: 63kg or 139 pounds<br />highest bmi: 23<br />current weight: 58.8kg or 129 pounds<br />current bmi: 22<br />Goal weight 1: 55kg or 121 pounds (bmi: 20) (at least by september 22nd)<br />GW2: 50kg or 110 pounds (bmi: 19)<br />GW3: 48kg or 106 pounds (bmi: 18)<br /><br />is it normal that im starting to get bruises really easily?<br />i had tough skin before and i never bruised, even when i smacked my face into a solid steel bar<br />but now i have 3 bruises on my legs and i dont even know how i got them<br />the last time i remember that happening was in like year 8 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:5874 2008-08-22T15:25:14Z 2008-08-22T15:25:14Z omg im watching some fat guy on this video eating as many cream donuts as he can<br />he eats nine!<br />NINE!!! thats fucking rank<br />im not even eating it and I want to heave!!!<br />fuck this guy would rip my fucking DD bras in half<br />HIS TITS ARE HUGE<br />ugh fat people are so disgusting<br />dont they realise they could like not eat for a year and they would survive on the mass amount of fat surrounding their internal organs<br /><br />so glad im not THAT rank urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:5466 2008-08-22T15:19:05Z 2008-08-22T15:19:05Z I went over my limit today. <br />ugh im such an idiot<br />i know it could have been worse, i think i had about 700 cals today<br />but ive been exercising all night and i walked around town all day today for 3 hours so i hope it will be ok.<br />i just got on the scales and it said 59.4<br />so im lower than i was this morning... does that mean ill be less tomorrow morning?<br />part of me hopes so<br />but another part of me hopes ive gained because i need to be punished for not sticking to my plan<br /><br />i wrote my goal weight on my hand and people keep asking me what it means<br />i just tell them i like the number but they look at me strange<br />i think theyve finally caught on that i hardly eat at school and when i do its only an apple at recess and no lunch<br /><br />what i had today:<br />apple<br />pepsi max<br />coke zero<br />1/3 of a felafel, tabouli and salad wrap<br />1 shortbread biscuit<br />less than a serving of sultana bran cereal<br /><br />god i really hope i can burn it off<br />im such an idiot<br />i feel like a big fat failure<br />im never going to be under 55kg by schoolies if i keep doing this<br /><br />tomorrow... i dont know what ill do<br />i dont know whether to fast or not<br />max is coming over at lunch time so i guess he'll want lunch<br />ill have a garden salad i guess<br />then nothing else for the rest of the day<br />i have a party to go to so i can skip dinner, ill just have coke zero all night<br />no alcohol - too many calories<br />if i have 2 drinks ill be over my limit so no thanks, ill just stick to coke zero<br /><br />im watching videos about super morbid obese people - its really motivating me to try harder.<br />come on 48!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:5352 2008-08-21T08:12:08Z 2008-08-21T08:12:08Z lol sorry my fourth post today<br />i actually love my 50cal chicken noodle soup.. so much that i think i could live off them<br />yeah thought everyone would like to know. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:5018 2008-08-21T08:03:30Z 2008-08-21T08:03:30Z OMG SO MOTIVATED<br />im finally under 60kg<br />I'm 59.6 yesss<br />this is the lowest ive been in like a year<br /><br />i was really hungry so i decided for dinner id have one of my soups and half a piece of flat bread = 130 calories<br /><br />so today ive had 340 calories.<br />thats good, my plan is no more than 400<br />I need to find out how many calories is in a bottle of vodka cruiser because im going out saturday night<br />if its too much ill just have diet cokes.. alcohol isnt everything<br />i want to be sober and non hung over for sunday anyway so maybe i will just go with diet cokes.<br /><br />restricting again tomorrow and fasting saturday and sunday i think<br />wait, i think ill have a salad for lunch on saturday and thats all<br /><br />tomorrow i think ill have salad wraps<br />cucumber, tomato, carrot and beetroot wrapped in lettuce leaves<br />yay<br /><br />WANNA BE 58 BY MONDAY!! 1.6kg in just under 4 days<br />i can do this!!!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:4684 2008-08-21T07:16:00Z 2008-08-21T07:16:00Z 21 hours into my however-long-i-can-last fast<br />ive always screwed up at 23 hours, every time<br />but i just got some motivation<br />i dont know where it came from<br />maybe its because i keep an hour tally on my wrist<br />and just looking at the mere 21 strokes on my wrist, i felt accomplished. proud, even.<br /><br />Ive worked out that if i argue with myself in my mind "have some food, not you really dont want it youll feel like shit tomorrow, just a bit, NO!"<br />then i actually waste so much time that i never get around to eating.<br />i think ill have a shower to calm down though<br />i really want to weigh myself again.. i think im obsessed<br />ill shower and weigh myself and post once ive found out.<br />please be the same or lower PLEASE. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:4412 2008-08-21T06:20:43Z 2008-08-21T06:20:43Z Why is it that I have so much motivation at school and when I'm out with friends (I mean like seriously, I don't eat when I'm out)<br />but when I get home, all that motivation seems to have gone out the window.<br />I just want to eat and eat and eat when I get home and its so hard not to. I don't understand myself.<br />Maybe I should just live at school. That would make everything so much easier.<br />But then I wouldn't have livejournal or anything.<br />I'm sick of making all these plans and not sticking to them.<br />I want this to work this time. So I've tried to convince myself that what mum makes for dinner is gross. It kinda worked, I actually made myself gag.<br />I've had 210 calories today and i DO NOT want to have any more.<br />I have alot of homework to catch up on so hopefully if I just focus on that all night, I wont be tempted to eat.<br />I have diet coke here. If I drink the whole bottle quickly, I'll feel full for a few hours. I'll start drinking it just before dinner time and I'll tell dad that I already had it. Oh the perks of having a dad who works all day shifts and a mum who works all night shifts.<br /><br />I want to buy so many new clothes but NO, i cant, not until im the right size.<br />I have 31 days to lose at least 5kg, I NEED to do this. i CAN do this.<br />By the way, I'm 60kg today, down .5 from yesterday.<br /><br />DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, K-J!!!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:4265 2008-08-20T11:10:45Z 2008-08-20T11:10:45Z fuck, im never going to be skinny<br />im so gross and im just going to keep getting fatter<br />i dont want to get out of bed ever again<br />next 2 week holidays, im spending all my time either; sleeping or out with no food or money<br />and im going to walk everywhere<br />no shit, if one of my friends wants to go to town, ill leave 2 hours early and walk into town<br />i dont care how sweaty i get!<br />i want this so bad but ill admit it, food is controlling me<br />i fucking hate this urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:3999 2008-08-20T10:05:26Z 2008-08-20T10:05:26Z So I've been binging like crazy th last few days.<br />I feel ok at the time but once it's over, i feel like a complete failure.<br />This is it.<br />I need this to stop right here.<br /><br />Ive written my goal weight on my hand so when I reach for food, i'll see it.<br />I've also drawn some no binge signs on me aswell <br />and on my wrist im starting an hour tally. I'm fasting until a situation comes about where i need to eat or am forced to eat<br />then im restricting heavily.. 300-400 calories a day at the most<br />im going to have alot of water from now on<br />only other liquids will be diet coke or pepsi max<br /><br />i really want to be AT LEAST at my first goal weight (55kg) by the time i go away for schoolies (thats in 10 weeks)<br />So I have 10 weeks to lose at least 5.5kg<br />i NEED&nbsp; to do this, I dont want to look like the fat cow that i am at schoolies.. im staying by the beach dammit<br />the very best i could hope for, like an absolute dream.. would be to be 48kg by schoolies but i know fat old me will never get there<br />god i hate myself<br />its just 12.5kg, whats wrong with me??<br />my mum lost like 40 in a year and i cant even lose 1kg in 3 weeks. FUCK.<br /><br /><br />heres pictures of me as of today<br />my legs look ok but i dont feel it.<br />i dont think they look like that really<br /><br /><a href="http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e114/black_glitterr/IMGP3029.jpg">http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e114/black_glitterr/IMGP3029.jpg</a><br /><a href="http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e114/black_glitterr/IMGP3016.jpg&nbsp;">http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e114/black_glitterr/IMGP3016.jpg&nbsp;</a> -&nbsp; yuck!!!!<br /><a href="http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e114/black_glitterr/IMGP3009.jpg">http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e114/black_glitterr/IMGP3009.jpg</a><br /><a href="http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e114/black_glitterr/IMGP3007.jpg">http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e114/black_glitterr/IMGP3007.jpg</a><br /><br />fattyfatfatfat urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:3628 2008-08-08T10:47:45Z 2008-08-08T10:47:45Z I actually hate eating<br />it's become a chore to me<br />id like to TASTE without putting food in my mouth and chewing<br />im even too lazy to swallow drinks, even water.<br />all ive been doing lately is having one cup of drink with a straw and im done for about 5 hours.<br />i had meat and veg tonight because i was at my boy's parents house and they're all big on eating<br />it was only a small serve though, they know i dont eat much<br />im not going to eat tomorrow though, some diet coke throughout the day while watching dvds - they take my mind off of worrying about everything.<br />Maybe ill have a little bit of veggies for dinner if im really hungry<br />but only if my stomach is audible...<br /><br />hm i want to go to bed but first ill be dancing for a very long time because i can FEEL the food in my tummy and its gross.<br />i want to be at least 60 by sunday at 11am<br />that gives me 39 hours to lose 0.8kg I THINK I CAN DO IT! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:3414 2008-08-05T12:50:44Z 2008-08-05T12:50:44Z I'm getting scared of myself.<br />If I eat anything, anything at all I spend the rest of the night trying so hard to burn it off that my legs give in or i have to lie on the floor so i can breathe properly.<br />I've been sick so I haven't been for a walk in two days and I feel anxious. I'm getting nervous.. It's like I'm having withdrawal symptoms from walking. Like I'm addicted to walking.<br />I don't think I can walk tomorrow either. I have school 8-3.15 and then I have to go and wait in my boyfriend work until he finishes so I can go to his house and finish my assignment (making a website)<br /><br />I don't want to eat tomorrow at least until I get home so I can control what I'm eating, but maybe I'll just take Kyra's advice and get some cough medicine to knock me out.<br />My boyfriend always makes sure I eat, he basically dangles food infront of me sometimes, waiting for me to pounce at it. But then there are days when I say I AM NOT EATING NO MATTER WHERE WE GO and he says ok, I won't force you, promise.<br />I'm so confused. I don't know if he understands or if he doesn't.<br />I want to go for a walk, I'm considering waking up at 5am to go for a walk but my mum will stop me before I even get to the door - scared of creepy old paedophile men along the river (that's where I walk).<br /><br />Wouldn't it be good to just.. lapse into a coma and wake up when you're at your dream weight.<br />No suffering, no pain, no temptations..<br />But I know that's not going to happen so I'm just going to have to suffer until I'm there.<br />I don't care that I've lost 2.8kg in 2 weeks.. its not enough. One day I'll wake up and be back where I started.. eating everythig in sight and not giving a shit. It's disgusting, I don't want to think about it.<br />I can't let that be me again. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:3247 2008-08-02T00:57:28Z 2008-08-02T00:57:28Z <div class='appwidget appwidget-qotd' id='LJWidget_9'> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tr><td><div style='border: 1px solid #000; padding: 6px;'><p>If you had to immigrate from your current home, where in the world would you choose to go?</p><p style='font-size: 0.8em;'>Submitted By <span class='ljuser ljuser-name_purplemer3' lj:user='purplemer3' style='white-space: nowrap;'><a href='http://purplemer3.livejournal.com/profile'><img src='http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /></a><a href='http://purplemer3.livejournal.com/'><b>purplemer3</b></a></span><br /></p><br /><p><input type="button" value="Answer" onclick="document.location.href='http://www.livejournal.com/update.bml?qotd=481'" /> <a target="_blank" href="http://www.livejournal.com/misc/latestqotd.bml?qid=481">View 500 Answers</a></p></div></td></tr></table></div><!-- end .appwidget-qotd --> Some place where food is scarce and there is thinspo everywhere you look.<br /><br />ie definitely NOT America. Yuk. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:boneswishes:2990 2008-08-02T00:48:27Z 2008-08-02T01:00:00Z Typo.<br /><br /><br />61KG THIS MORNING = 2kg lost in 8 days!!<br /><br />Feeling a little bit excited about life now.<br />If I lose 2kg every 8 days, I'll be at my goal weight in like 5-6 weeks<br />That's okay, at least I'll be there by the time grad rolls around!<br /><br />Oh and so far today I've had a little bit of diet coke.<br />Cleaned my disgusting room, which now looks great by the way!<br />And danced to some music.<br />Going to go for a walk later and do some more dancing etc<br />I think I'll skip dinner, or just have some veggies.<br />Not sure about lunch today though. It's 10.30 and BF is coming over at 12.